Okay I will try this once again.......Apparently the editors or censors from AFF don't like me too much or someone on the panel is someone I made eat worms in 2nd grade because they keep deleting my introduction-(which I believe is MUCH more entertaining and easier to stomach than my pictures.........) What can I say?????? Well to start I would describe myself as a [B][B]High Voltage, Drag Racing, fire-breathing, Nitro Burning, Devil worshiping, Lava Licking, spandex wearing, Ankle biting, Pile Driving, gas guzzling, adrenaline pump[/B]ing, blood sucking, Bambi Slaying, Beer Chugging, Axe Grinding, Sword Swallowing, Lesbian mud wrestling, Freak on a Lease, Balls to the Wall, Bark at the Moon Rock n' Roll METAL HEAD that your mother, father-(wherever he is now), brother-(from a different mother),sister-(from the same mother), 2nd cousin once removed-(if you live down south that would be the person you are married too!) pastor, hairy guidance counselor, gay gym teacher and grandmother warned you about...........[/B] [COLOR purple][B]I also like vaseline coated rubber sheets on a non-waveless waterbed, banana yellow jumpsuits, Elvis glasses, hip waders, cheap sunglasses, Waffle irons, crotch rockets, garden hoses, blank checks, mouse traps-(the old fashioned kind where you snap your knuckles at least twice before you set it right) candy cane striped bermuda shorts, battery powered lanterns, cheap beer, North American hairless beavers-(Read into this one just a little bit!), Thumb tacks, midnight walks in a cow pasture, water slides, bowling shoes, lawn ornaments, tinker toys, split pea soup, naked lady playing cards, clothes pins, crock pots, pogo sticks, tongue rings, glow in the dark pink leather thong-backs, rubber bands, Ho Ho's-(the Hostess snack cakes you perverts), exposed nipples, icy roads, and of course see through shower curtains..................[/B][/COLOR] One thing is for sure however.......if you ever go out with me, you may wake up [B]sticky, broke, and confused [/B] stuck to all the yellow spots on a TWISTER game but...............at least you know you will have the time of your life...........(Please don't ask for the video tape since it will probably be on its way to Hefner...........)

My Ideal Person I am looking for someone to put a gag in their mouth and listen obediently as I relate to you some of my life experiences among them but certainly not limited to:


1) The time I head-butted a deer-(well technically it came through MY windshield and it head-butted me but it ended up getting the worst end of the deal)

2) The time I chased a coyote into a COP CAR.........Instant classic! I still laugh heartily when I see Wylie E. Coyote run into that ice cream truck coming through the tunnel.........Gets me all teary eyed bringing back the memory........

3) Hit a bear with my friend's truck-(Neither the bear nor the friend was too happy about that one........)

4) Sunk the same boat............twice in one day............(Once again the same "friend" wasn't too happy about that one either.........)

5) Fell through while driving an ATV across a frozen lake-(Deja Vue again..........same friend, not too keen about this either since it was his 4-wheeler.............You think he would have learned not to trust me with his shit by now..............)

6) Got hit in the head by a falling tree.........(which probably explains a lot about me personally. By the way, the same "friend" witnessed event...............Could not stop laughing after he figured out the tree didn't kill me........).

7) Speaking about bears...........Had one try to climb up my tree while bow-hunting in northern Wisconsin about a month ago......I probably should not have been carrying Reese's peanut butter cups and Nutty bars in my backpack.........Needless to say, Lesson Learned! Same friend did not answer distress call when sent out on the two-way radio................Later told me he did not answer because he had a 100 pound doe looking up at him......

On my most recent trip up north-(with same above mentioned idiot friend).........Actually just got back today-(11/20/07)......... was scared shitless when I turned over my chair to discover that a 10 pound porcupine that decided to make a temporary home in my tree stand. Nice wake up call at 5:00 in the morning! Took me 15 minutes to get the damn thing out.....By the way same "friend" called me on the two-way radio wondering why I was making so much noise.......12 hours later he busted himself in the coconut with his scope while taking an akward shot at a deer.......Got himself pretty good, left a nice cut above his eye......Serves the little bastard right..

All of these actual factual stories are supported by unsigned affidavits, grainy video evidence, and paid off witnesses..............

But on the more serious side if you are a female-(human, I better be specific here) and don't ever bitch or crab or gripe, or complain, or grouse, or debate, or whine, or hell TALK( might as well cover it all while I am at it.........) and like to just maybe moan or scream my name-(once again in the good way not in bitch mode) then give me a holler and we will use an egg timer to see how long it takes you to want to strangle me-(I was going to say "in the good way" but I don't know if there is a good way to strangle someone....) One thing is for sure though.............You will never be the same again after talking with me. You don't believe it? Try it and see...........In a recent survey, 4 out of 5 dentists are betting against you.........

Tell one of your favorite sexual fantasies. Don't hold back!:
WHERE I WAKE UP AND AM NOT THE ONE TIED TO THE BED!

What location do you fantasize about for a sexual encounter?:
A rollercoaster, An airplane, Under a waterfall, A swimming pool or hot tub, An elevator

What types of sexual activities turn you on?:
Giving Oral Sex, Receiving Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Toys (Vibrators/Dildos/etc.), Rimming, Fetishes, Light Bondage, Candle Wax, Spanking, Role Playing, Threesomes, Slave/Master, Food Play, Voyeurism, Handcuffs/Shackles, Blindfolds, Leather, Latex, Massage

Have you ever had cybersex?:
I've tried it, but it's just not the same.

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