Just to Touch You  

Paulxx001 61M  
798 posts
10/22/2018 11:42 pm

Last Read:
11/15/2018 8:59 am

Just to Touch You

I was rummaging through a kitchen drawer last Saturday, looking for a pair of scissors, when I came across this hand written, faded letter, in an envelope, addressed to me. It was from Dianne - an ex girlfriend, from long ago. I opened it, sat down and began to read...

Dear Paul,

I woke up in the middle of the night and reached across the bed, just to touch you - but you weren't there. My pillows still smell like you, and I. am already sorry for saying what I said to you.

But I really don't understand how you can be such an asshole sometimes. You play this game with my heart and you think you can get away with it because of your cute ass and those fucking eyes of yours. You know you can hypnotize me with the words you say and how you say them, and you do that on purpose. There's a name, a word , for a man like you. It describes who you are and how you selfishly, seduce and treat women. I just can't think of that name right now, but YOU know it!

I said to you, that I could change, so just give me time. Give me a chance. You know we're good together. We are fucking good together and yet you treat US, as if it's just a sex thing. It's more than that. Much more !

If what you said to me last night is true and if that's the way you feel - then I don't want to see you again. And that's MY truth !

You know I love you Paul. You know we could make this work ! Can't we try?

Love
Dianne


I held that scrawled, rambling, repetitive note in my hand - and paused. Dianne's seething anger toward me, was obvious. She likely, might have been hammered, when she wrote it. I mean honestly... I could not have been, sooo horrible, that she would call me a lothario - that name she was searching for. Nor was I as shallow, as she implied I was... She must have been confused...

I was in my mid twenties when I met her, and I recall that Dianne and I were only together for about a year. Aside from the sex - I didn't think we had that much, going for us. I was never with her again, after the night she wrote me that letter. And I only saw her, one other time, in my life.

She was in a packed, smoky and sweaty night club, with her new boyfriend. They were crammed shoulder to shoulder, sharing a wobbly, grimy little table, with a half dozen people. I was with a couple of my friends - and we were leaving that dive . The music was loud, Dianne and I made eye contact, smiled meekly at each other and tried to say hello. I felt sorry for her. She didn't look, particularly happy. Her sullen eyes followed me as I passed.

I looked at the letter, I still held in my hands. I folded it up into the envelope, put it in the drawer and pushed the drawer shut - then sat there for a few seconds more.

Finally, I shook my head, got up from the chair, and continued my search... for those elusive scissors.


ยฉย October 2018 Paul P.
...............................................................
So...
Have you ever been in a relationship where you saw things one way and your lover, saw things, in a completely different way ?

Do ever think about an 'ex' of yours and wonder what might have been, or what happened to them?


BTW... Lothario is a nefarious character in the 1605 novel - 'Don Quixote'. Another word to describe him would have been - womanizer .
Oh, and the scissors were found where I left them last time I used them - right on my office desk.



Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/22/2018 11:45 pm

I didn't receive too many letters from girls. I had a few birthday cards and such... But I kept that note...

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/22/2018 11:46 pm

I've run into a few girls who I dated. One, some 20 years later. She was married with kids and we shared a few laughs. She had matured into a fine looking, intelligent woman! But that's a story for another blog post.

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


big_guy2018 48M
17 posts
10/22/2018 11:58 pm

I think everyone has haven't heard but it is ok to disagree ?


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/23/2018 12:58 am

    Quoting big_guy2018:
    I think everyone has haven't heard but it is ok to disagree ?
It certainly is ok to disagree. That's what happened here. I think she wanted more... Thanks for dropping by.

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


author51 55F  
63781 posts
10/23/2018 1:03 am

a huge reason why I am divorced from my ex is total opposites in every way and that included our take on things..as for wondering about him we talk a lot due to our children and I see him when I go visit him...

Past boyfriends I also see quite a bit of as most of them are here in town with me..

One can never have enough JOY in their life...


superbjversion2 63F  
13207 posts
10/23/2018 4:37 am

Have I ever ...?
Do I ever ...?

*sigh* yes

I put the Sex in Sexagenarian


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/23/2018 4:49 am

Hmmm... and? Now I'm curious... Care to elaborate, or is it just too painful and personal? I get it, if it is... I just showed you mine... Lol... (ok... Not really... but)...

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/23/2018 4:57 am

    Quoting author51:
    a huge reason why I am divorced from my ex is total opposites in every way and that included our take on things..as for wondering about him we talk a lot due to our children and I see him when I go visit him...

    Past boyfriends I also see quite a bit of as most of them are here in town with me..
Wow. I guess it's a good thing that you and your ex are talking - at least about your kids and related issues. Boy that might bug me if I saw all my ex's in this city on a regular y. Lol... Thankfully it's too big (the city I meant)!

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


author51 55F  
63781 posts
10/23/2018 5:40 am

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    Wow. I guess it's a good thing that you and your ex are talking - at least about your kids and related issues. Boy that might bug me if I saw all my ex's in this city on a regular y. Lol... Thankfully it's too big (the city I meant)!
For me since I live in a small town, it is the opposite....lol.

One can never have enough JOY in their life...


Paulxx001 replies on 10/23/2018 6:02 am:
Hmmm yeah. For sure! I can only imagine... There is one event here, (a festival) , where I run into a few of them all in this one (50 acre) festival place. We get along and all - but it is a very weird vibe. Especially when I meet their husbands and kids. But so much time has passed by, that I don't really think about it for very long. Funny thing is - they'll always bring it up to me (quietly) and make a joke, and sometimes in front of other people... Including their husband's. Hmmm Weird...

mc_justmc 58M  
4051 posts
10/23/2018 9:07 am

I lived with a girl when I was in my 20s, she constantly fucked around behind my back, but never saw it that way. I even offered her an open relationship to make room for her panty dropping ways, but she would always say she was committed to me. Other than that, we were great together, the sex was unbelievable, probably due to all of her "practice". We eventually broke up over that, but I did find her about 5 yrs ago in a small town in Florida and sent her a letter asking how she was. I received a letter back a few weeks later. She was still in love with me, ready to leave her live-in-boyfriend of 5 yrs, and did I know how much a bus ticket to San Antonio was. Apparently, she's still a fuck-around-girl and now she's added some crazy to her personality. I shut down the conversation real quick. You should give Dianne a call, and ask how is she doing. Careful, bitches be crazy.

I always put the toilet seat down...


Paulxx001 replies on 10/23/2018 12:27 pm:
Wow... That's worthy of a blog entry or two. How you found her sounds like a detective story.

author51 55F  
63781 posts
10/23/2018 9:30 am

    Quoting author51:
    For me since I live in a small town, it is the opposite....lol.
I have one ex whenever I am at the bar, keeps trying to hit on me and take me on a journey of Remember When....lol.

One can never have enough JOY in their life...


Tmptrzz 56F  
51268 posts
10/23/2018 11:48 am

i don't think so, sure I have found memories of relations past but for the most part i have always moved on...I hope you have a great day..

Just your average every day run of the mill nana here!!!


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/23/2018 12:29 pm

    Quoting author51:
    I have one ex whenever I am at the bar, keeps trying to hit on me and take me on a journey of Remember When....lol.
The 'Remeber When' pathway is a painful one, for sure! Eee

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/23/2018 12:31 pm

    Quoting Tmptrzz:
    i don't think so, sure I have found memories of relations past but for the most part i have always moved on...I hope you have a great day..
Moving on is always the best choice. I don't look back either, unless they are tapping me on the shoulder... Lol

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


pollly_anna 55F  
157 posts
10/23/2018 2:25 pm

Why did you re-fold the letter and put it back in the drawer and not just throw it out???


pollly_anna 55F  
157 posts
10/23/2018 2:27 pm

a man who behaves selfishly and irresponsibly in his sexual relationships with women. is the meaning of ..Lothario ..


LustingInDeLoops 56F  

10/23/2018 3:20 pm

I finally found my mind again when I left my most recent ex, there's been a few of them, 10 years ago. I guess it boils down pretty simply, he had a problem with honesty and I have a problem with lies.

Side note - my experience with him is the reason I came to a site like this, rather than be out looking for a full blown relationship. Been happy on my own for a long while!

My stories are mainly fiction, bringing fantasies to life for friends and I. Some is drawn from personal experience, most from my imagination. Love my erotic imagination.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/23/2018 3:35 pm

    Quoting pollly_anna:
    Why did you re-fold the letter and put it back in the drawer and not just throw it out???
That's a good question. Perhaps in life, we can learn as much from the bad experiences as we can from good ones so the letter would actually remind me of both. You can't erase your past simply by throwing out the letter. Plus the letter was going back to it's place at the end bottom of a drawer.

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/23/2018 3:39 pm

    Quoting pollly_anna:
    a man who behaves selfishly and irresponsibly in his sexual relationships with women. is the meaning of ..Lothario ..
Yes that is true. I am not sure if I was lothario, but I changed my life afterwards and swore myself to a life of celibacy. It worked for a while...

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/23/2018 3:41 pm

    Quoting LustingInDeLoops:
    I finally found my mind again when I left my most recent ex, there's been a few of them, 10 years ago. I guess it boils down pretty simply, he had a problem with honesty and I have a problem with lies.

    Side note - my experience with him is the reason I came to a site like this, rather than be out looking for a full blown relationship. Been happy on my own for a long while!
And it sounds to me like you're having a great time here... I can see your smile from here!

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


pollly_anna 55F  
157 posts
10/23/2018 4:08 pm

sTILL. NO point in keeping it.


pollly_anna 55F  
157 posts
10/23/2018 4:09 pm

celibacy........hahahahah yeah you!


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/23/2018 4:15 pm

It's a souvenir. With some people it might be a picture, with others it's a Birthday Card or something like that, and with her it's the note. It's just a reminder of a part of my life. We did spend some good times together. You don't have souvenirs?

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/23/2018 4:23 pm

    Quoting pollly_anna:
    celibacy........hahahahah yeah you!
It is true that celibacy is a challenge to be sure and especially with an open, fun loving character like mine. But I'm trying my best to remain pure. I'm not saying that I wouldn't sway if the right opportunity wouldn't present itself, but so far... I guess women just are not attracted to me... I imagine that I am not putting out the right vibe. So I guess that's ok... Yep I guess it's ok...

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/23/2018 4:25 pm

    Quoting pollly_anna:
    celibacy........hahahahah yeah you!
Just because I have a loud voice in here, doesn't mean I'm like that outside, in the real world. I'm rather shy... This place builds false bravado.. I think...

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/23/2018 4:31 pm

    Quoting pollly_anna:
    celibacy........hahahahah yeah you!
You're probably basing your opinion of me based on what you are reading on my blog. You have to Remeber that most of what I write is fiction. It didn't all really happen. They are just stories.

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


LustingInDeLoops 56F  

10/23/2018 5:24 pm

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    And it sounds to me like you're having a great time here... I can see your smile from here!
I have been enjoying "meeting" so many people through my stories and on the blogs. My smile gets a little bigger when you and I quip back and forth!

My stories are mainly fiction, bringing fantasies to life for friends and I. Some is drawn from personal experience, most from my imagination. Love my erotic imagination.


pocogato12 66F  
23557 posts
10/23/2018 5:27 pm

This cuts me up- snork-scissors- shoulda cut up the letter or better yet- framed it and hung it up as a reminder
Yes, once in a while I am reminded of someone when he sends me a drunken email, which I ignore. Snuck off back to CA and never told me he was going ( email from the road) back to his swinger lady from 20+years ago. It didnt work out and I think he's lost in California gold { see pic}

(Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/23/2018 6:14 pm

    Quoting pocogato12:
    This cuts me up- snork-scissors- shoulda cut up the letter or better yet- framed it and hung it up as a reminder
    Yes, once in a while I am reminded of someone when he sends me a drunken email, which I ignore. Snuck off back to CA and never told me he was going ( email from the road) back to his swinger lady from 20+years ago. It didnt work out and I think he's lost in California gold { see pic}
You're funny. Souvenirs of good or bad r still reminders to either strive to repeat or to try to avoid - or perhaps they are just a memory, and after all - when that explodes , what do we have left ? It's a puzzle - you can't throw pieces out just because you don't like them- the puzzle is never complete! But in this case - none of that is valid! The 'Truth' backed its way out of that bar, all the way to the 'name' of that scoundrel and THEN the set was constructed and things fell into place. So thank you for that 'name' . Campos's side of the building is so chill and footloose. Yes, I laughed out loud!
.... Drunken emails and phone calls.. Ahh... Love! Yes.. But it's exquisite pain is something we all still strive to breath.... over and over again.. (even if we won't admit it). Thanks again for the motivation! True! โค๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ˜Š You and I both know, this one is yours... Lol...

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/23/2018 6:20 pm

    Quoting LustingInDeLoops:
    I have been enjoying "meeting" so many people through my stories and on the blogs. My smile gets a little bigger when you and I quip back and forth!
I'm happy to make you smile. Rest assured, my only reason for being here is to make people smile. It's a goal of mine - 'here and everywhere I walk. Glad to be a part of your smile my dear!

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/23/2018 6:28 pm

Oooo.... Wait... The words are enhanced. I never said that my stories weren't true, only that I enhanced them with words. They are all, more or less - based on something that I experienced.. There are a few stories that are complete fiction... but... I could go thru each story and tell you which part is true or not... But yes.. I have enhanced reality to suit this medium... Thanks for reading them... at least... I hope you find them entertaining - at least?

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


Livin_my_Life14 48F  
274 posts
10/23/2018 8:24 pm

You know you are digging deep in a drawer if you are reading a letter! Not many even know what a letter is or how you write one. Mine had a lot of xoxo and ๐Ÿ’• hearts โ™ฅ๏ธ. I would even spray them with my perfume ๐Ÿ˜‚. Every Ex I am friends with on FB. Itโ€™s fun seeing how life turned out. I never burn bridges or hold grudges. Life is precious and who I was when I was in my 20โ€™s is not who I am today. ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

Yes, I have felt differently then a few of my exโ€™s. They wanted more and I didnโ€™t. Itโ€™s sad and difficult to be on different pages. To this day : I have 2 exโ€™s who want more- if I did.


Paulxx001 replies on 10/23/2018 10:47 pm:
Lol. You're funny... That drawer of mine has stuff in it that I haven't looked into for years. One of these days it will be opened up like a treasure chest.
So you used to put perfume on letters ? I used to love it when I would get one of those letters. I'd sniff them for months. At least you learned what a lothario is? Lol... Have a great night... (ps this is all fiction... No chickens were hurt in the writing of this blog) L8r

sexyldy1000 57F  
1651 posts
10/23/2018 11:13 pm

Occasionally, I have kept some mementos. But it didnโ€™t take long before I tossed them out because the relationships were finished and there was no point in hanging onto them.
Question: were the scissors symbolic of trying to cut the ties of the past with Diane?

Stimulate my mind and the possibilities are endless.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/23/2018 11:20 pm

    Quoting sexyldy1000:
    Occasionally, I have kept some mementos. But it didnโ€™t take long before I tossed them out because the relationships were finished and there was no point in hanging onto them.
    Question: were the scissors symbolic of trying to cut the ties of the past with Diane?
Good or bad, souvenirs from our past help us to define the life we've lived.
Ooooo... That scissors symbolism is something that I didn't even think about. Hmmm. Yep perhaps you are right, That's a good one! Can I use that in my book report?

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


japaneseass 51F  
47012 posts
10/24/2018 4:43 pm

no...i gave my ex way too many times...because i thought i could possible change him...well, i know, he can't be something he is not...he was a chronic cheater with border line multiple personality...so i gave him the ultimatum, and all the sudden, he wanted me, because i am something he can't have any longer...well...too late for that...he should have known...so never look back...and i am happy now...


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/24/2018 5:33 pm

    Quoting japaneseass:
    no...i gave my ex way too many times...because i thought i could possible change him...well, i know, he can't be something he is not...he was a chronic cheater with border line multiple personality...so i gave him the ultimatum, and all the sudden, he wanted me, because i am something he can't have any longer...well...too late for that...he should have known...so never look back...and i am happy now...
Wow. That's a classic! It does seem like, when you can no longer have something - that's when you what it and realize what you've lost. Worthy of a blog post? Nice to see you on my side of the building. ๐ŸŽƒ

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


japaneseass 51F  
47012 posts
10/24/2018 6:12 pm

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    Wow. That's a classic! It does seem like, when you can no longer have something - that's when you what it and realize what you've lost. Worthy of a blog post? Nice to see you on my side of the building. ๐ŸŽƒ
oh i have been keeping my eyes on you...

your cute ass, and those eyes...and way with words...like she said...oh you still got it, don't you...


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/24/2018 7:55 pm

    Quoting japaneseass:
    oh i have been keeping my eyes on you...

    your cute ass, and those eyes...and way with words...like she said...oh you still got it, don't you...
Lol.... Good thing I'm not the shy type.. My ass? I've buried it in my profile... lol BTW, I'm not the rascal described in this story.. It's fiction... Really nice to see you on my side of the building... Can I serve you a glass of wine?

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/24/2018 8:03 pm

    Quoting japaneseass:
    oh i have been keeping my eyes on you...

    your cute ass, and those eyes...and way with words...like she said...oh you still got it, don't you...
Lol.... You never loose it! Things just mellow.. I know my parts are intact..lol
But, I'm not 20 .. Good to see you girl. I've had my eye on you as well! Lol ๐Ÿ˜

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


smartasswoman 61F  
29016 posts
10/27/2018 2:06 pm

I got in B-I-I-I-I-G trouble once for calling someone a Lothario. I was writing about the first spanking party that I ever attended. One of the men there seemed quite popular - in fact when he was spanking a cute young thing, he had ANOTHER cute young thing acting as his assistant, handing him various implements. I referred to him as a "spanky Lothario". As it happened, he read my piece (posted over on Fetlife) and he did not like that. Not. One. Bit.

Once I actually looked up the meaning, I had to apologize to him. Basically I was just impressed that a middle aged guy was able to have not one but two cute young women in his scene....and I was using it as synonym for someone who was popular with the ladies. Oops. That was a lesson learned to be more precise with my phrases (and also to keep in mind that someone who I'm talking about might read my post).


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/27/2018 5:50 pm

    Quoting smartasswoman:
    I got in B-I-I-I-I-G trouble once for calling someone a Lothario. I was writing about the first spanking party that I ever attended. One of the men there seemed quite popular - in fact when he was spanking a cute young thing, he had ANOTHER cute young thing acting as his assistant, handing him various implements. I referred to him as a "spanky Lothario". As it happened, he read my piece (posted over on Fetlife) and he did not like that. Not. One. Bit.

    Once I actually looked up the meaning, I had to apologize to him. Basically I was just impressed that a middle aged guy was able to have not one but two cute young women in his scene....and I was using it as synonym for someone who was popular with the ladies. Oops. That was a lesson learned to be more precise with my phrases (and also to keep in mind that someone who I'm talking about might read my post).
Well I learned a new word out of all of this . . lol Yep I like that Lothario fellow . . I'm going to try a fit that word in as many possible conversations as I can ,over the next 7 days . . . Nice to see you !

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


sweet_VM 60F  
79286 posts
10/28/2018 3:33 pm

Still married donโ€™t have an ex. He does leave me notes. Hugs V

Become a blog watcher sweet_vm


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
10/28/2018 4:07 pm

    Quoting sweet_VM:
    Still married donโ€™t have an ex. He does leave me notes. Hugs V
Well, that's really sweet that he still leaves you notes.. That's so cute! ๐Ÿ˜Šโค๏ธ

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
11/1/2018 5:01 am

Hi . . . If you are this far down into the comments section , then thank you for your patience . . lol I just posted an interesting , terrifying , little story about early childhood memories - click the link and let me know if you agree.
Almost Ripped To Shreds 47

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
11/3/2018 6:32 am

Nov 3, I just renamed this story - It Was Just Sex
The old title of this story was - Just To Touch You
Both were good... I don't know... Messing around...

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
11/3/2018 6:45 am

This story used to be called - Just To Touch You
I renamed it today, to :She Wanted More Than Sex.
If you can think of a better title, please comment.. And I'll use it and give you props for it!

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


Paulxx001 61M  
3129 posts
11/15/2018 8:59 am

I just posted a new blog post Burgandy Rockey My Burgundy Rocket , a story about risks and speed and the chances we take.

Words are like meat loaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.


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